Six years ago, I was inducted into the International Society of Widows and Widowers. Soon after, I began to regularly meet other members who also had become members without their consent. It’s amazing how we all seem to come out of the woodwork and find each other. I randomly (seemingly) met many who had lost …
I’ve been thinking a lot about death lately. Probably because the anniversary of my late wife’s passing is coming up in a few days. I remember the feeling of those final hours. People tell me those feelings get stuck in the body and that’s why certain emotions and pains show up this time of the …
I grew up on a farm, more of an acreage, really. We had a few cows, pigs and chickens and a tractor. Some of the trappings of a farm, but it wasn’t meant for production. Just part of the pleasure my dad found by living in the country. With this country lifestyle came a certain …
This is a common deflection after a loss. It’s a way to try and bypass or avoid the pain of losing something that was meaningful. But while all loss isn’t equal, all loss needs to be grieved. We cut down the big old ash tree in our backyard. The big, beautiful shade tree that canopied …
I wrote that poem a few months after I was unanimously voted into the International Society of Widows and Widowers. It wasn’t long into my inauguration that I discovered the importance of honesty as an essential ingredient in the process of navigating grief and loss. Day one, five years ago today, I experienced a surge …
This question came from the voice of The Advocate recently. As is with most of our conversations, they are simple in presentation, but deeply complex and long lasting in their unfolding. This open ended query can get me started by wondering, do you mean what do I want for lunch? Or what do I want …
Hopefully, I turn 22,278 on Thursday. Days, that is. It’s an exercise I picked up four years ago when I entered into widowhood. The number of days allotted to my late wife was 21,923. For some reason, I outpaced her by 355 days. But it’s not meant to be a competition. It’s more of a …
I’m about four and a half years into my identity as a widower. The Keyholder told me when we first started my therapy work that a good rule of thumb that I should consider is to take 1 year for every 5 years I was married before things seem to settle into some semblance of …
I love looking back at the music that mattered to me over the years. The tone and timbre of my choices reflect my emotional state at the time and it’s insightful to remember where I’ve been and why these songs spoke to me. I mark the eras of my life with music, and Spotify is …
I’m a writer. And like some of my other titles, it took a long time to embrace it. It took about two years of owning my restaurant before I was ok with referring to myself as chef. I refused to wear a chef coat when I started. I didn’t feel like I deserved it. In …