This was a question I started asking a long time ago after I began to wonder why it seemed that my better conversations with people happened in a bar than in a church-related setting. Was it just the booze that loosened people up or was there something more, something deeper?
I came to this conclusion. I think there is less judgment in a bar.
Judgment is not to be confused with discernment. Both are ruling decisions that influence or govern behavior.
Judgment is a verdict. It is static and intended to be restrictive. Once it is handed down, it must be served out.
The beauty of Discernment is that it can prevent judgment from ever being necessary. Discernment listens and pays attention. It is dynamic and fluid, discovering a new answer for a new situation, every time.
Judgment has its place, but it is only a last straw, not a starting point. Judgment comes after all other discerning options have been exhausted.
I believe this is why my conversations in bars feel more free. I can’t really speak for your church. But I don’t have to enter either place with a judgmental spirit. Instead I can watch, listen and converse with discernment without making final decisions that limit and restrain.